Delayed Baldur’s Gate 3 patch notes reckon you've all been eating too much delicious, irresistible soap

Baldur's Gate 3’s latest patch was due to launch in closed beta yesterday, but Larian have decided to give it a bit more time in the oven due to bugs. Namely, a bug that caused passive rolls - like those that detect traps - to stop working.

Happily, if you hadn’t already registered to take part in the beta, you now have more time to sign up. Scroll down a bit on the RPG’s Steam page and click the ‘Request Access’ button.

The other upside is that they’ve have taken the opportunity to post a blog dangling the details of some tantalising changes, much like a delicious bar of soap-on-a-rope. Wait. What. No. Soap is not for eating, say spoilsports Larian. As such, they’ve made some ablutionary items more idiot-proof. “We noticed some of you hiccoughing bubbles, so the action for washing yourself with soap and sponges is now called 'Use' instead of 'Consume'.”

All in all, patch 7 boasts "over 1,000 fixes and improvements," with the blog itself detailing just a few select highlights. The big ticket items here are extra evil ending cinematics, split-screen tweaks, and the modding toolkit. Aside from these, here’s some personal picks. (I say 'picks' - my actual preference would be that Larian call it quits and go have a Milky Way and a nap so I can start a new playthrough.)

Honour Mode systems - the game’s ultra-tough, single-save beef gauntlet - will now be selectable in a custom game. In terms of specifics, boss hobgobbo Dror Ragzlin will now try and befriend the spider pit’s inhabitants with a new spell called Arachnid Compulsion, if you happen to knock him in.

For your companions, Karlach "will no longer brush the shaved side of her head," and Astarion might occasionally do something at camp besides reading books. If you’re too busy being extremely evil to care about friendship, they’ll be more Dark Urge reactivity dialogue and narrator lines. But I already did a Dark Urge playthrough! I moan, before realising that I haven’t done a Dark Urge that turns good playthrough. Or a Dark Urge that specifically tries to make Minsc’s life as miserable as possible playthrough. Larian plz.

There’s also some more help for the final battle. I can understand anyone being a bit bored of the 'alliances you’ve made across your adventure join in for a big dramatic scrap later on' thing, but I’m not sure anyone has yet come up with a better solution for letting you cash in on your side-excursions in a reactive and satisfying way? I’m a fan, anyway. Now, the Kuo-Toa fishfolk can get involved (unless they all died in act one), and the Gondians will throw in a hefty Steel Watcher.

There’s some coming optimisation on the performance front, too. "This will have a more noticeable impact in areas with large numbers of NPCs (like the Lower City) and will reduce peak memory usage when loading levels for the first time," reads the blog. "It will also be noticeable when managing lots of loot (e.g. when transferring everything from a camp chest to a character's inventory)."

Finally, and most bollocks-ly, you’ll no longer be able to cheese the Leap Of Faith trial of Shar by "by just clicking the final platform and letting your character pathfind their way there." Booooo. Boooooo. Boooooooo (boo).

No word on when the patch will be available for everyone, but as mentioned, you can sign up for the beta on Baldur’s Gate 3’s Steam page. I am very serious about Larian chilling out so I can finally play the game again, but it’s no doubt impressive to see the game still getting such substantial updates, especially as they’re also working on two more games at the moment.